#adventure #blessing

Yep, this picture pretty much describes how I feel - jumbled and non-sensical.  

After a 2 1/2 year travel hiatus, we finally pulled the plug, threw caution to the wind, a dart at the map, scheduled planes, trains, automobiles, busses and a ferry and bugged out with six days notice to visit halfway around the globe.

Totally crazy, yes.  Best thing we could have done, oh yea.

The last trip was supposed to be idyllic.  Planned and saved for, for years.  It was a bust - left me sadder than I knew was possible.  I've spent the past couple of years in recovery I guess you could say.  If I'm going to venture out again, it has to be different - unplanned, unexpected, an adventure.  The last piece in the puzzle of finding myself again, ourselves again.  Do, don't talk.  Be, don't analyze.  Float, don't think.  Soak it in.  See what happens.  No real expectations, except maybe to heal, become whole again.  And so begins the adventure.....

Denver to San Fran, San Fran to an 18 hour layover in Tokyo (exhaustion and sushi is a wonderful thing).

Tokyo to Manila, experience the Manila airport,

then on to Cebu and a 2 hour van ride to Moalboal.  And finally, sleep.

It takes a bit to get my footing, and it's not just the long hours of travel.  I've forgotten how to breathe.  I've forgotten how to sit and just be.  I've been reading "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp.  She says, "In the end, it's the numbness that kills you."  I am guilty of choosing the numbness.  It takes effort to open up, to the possibility of joy, and with the knowledge that it also brings the possibility of pain again.

This though, is what always brings healing to me....the blue sea....laman blou....it makes me feel small.  And really, don't most of our problems threaten to overcome when we feel too big - too in control - too focused on what we think we deserve?

 I did remember how to be.  I did remember how to breathe.  I even remembered how to smile, genuinely.  It's still all coming back to me slowly.  

The Philippines is an amazing place.  It was just what I needed when I needed it.  Voskamp talks about the "ugly-beautiful" and that all of it is a blessing.  I didn't really understand, but I think I'm starting to.  

I'm glad to be home.  I'm glad that we went.  Beautiful country - lots of poverty.  Happy, amazing people - so open and sharing with others.  Beautiful reefs - that are overfished and damaged from abuse - and still amazing.  From whale sharks to pygmy seahorses.  It was a catharsis trip and we embraced it all - and saw the calm in the midst of chaos, the beauty in the middle of the ugly - and the ugly in the middle of the beautiful - all jumbled together.  

Your experience of it is determined by your focus.  Just like life.

#adventure

#blessed

#thankful